Main Vapas Aaunga - Bollywood's own Titanic

Punjabis are possibly the most emotional people on the planet. They cry at weddings, fight at funerals, drape entire interiors in marble and make over-the-top movies about love and loss. Which makes it all the more puzzling that Bollywood, practically a Punjabi family business at this point, has given us so few films about Partition. Some movies about partition (of India and Pakistan) that I can think of are - Train to Pakistan, Tamas and Earth. All three of these I would consider Indian-indies, not typical Bollywood fare. Seventy-nine years, fourteen million displaced, a million dead, and we're still barely scratching the surface of the terrible geo-political event that led to the creation of a new nation called Pakistan.

Bollywood in 2020s, is a mere shadow of what it used to be, at least in my eyes. But finally it comes out with Mein Vapas Aunga - a true Partition story. Better late than never. The premise hits you like a train, the kind that crossed the border in 1947 carrying things nobody wanted to talk about for decades.

A 90-something man, deep in dementia, remembers exactly one thing from his entire life: his first love, lost to Partition almost eight decades ago. Very Titanic-ish. That memory of his first love is what is left in his whole hard drive. Everything else is gone. Just her, stuck on loop in a dying brain. India's Titanic, but with more tragedy, zero Leonardo DiCaprio and plenty of Naseeruddin Shah and a dollop of Diljit Dosanjh.

Naseeruddin Shah is extraordinary here. The man is confined to a bed for practically the entire film, and yet you cannot look away. Shah, as the bed-ridden patriarch at the death's door, gives an almost perfect portrayal of someone fading away into dementia. It is one of the best performances I've watched in recent history by a Bollywood actor. Whoever wrote his dialogues deserves their own award night.

I am not a fan of Imtiaz Ali's films in general, but you have to give it to the man, he is all about showcasing the vulnerable sigma male in his movies. This time that man happens to be a 90+ year old. Diljit Dosanjh is a perfect fit for the NRI grandson. The casting wrinkle is Vedang Raina playing the young protagonist. At 24-26 he reads a little too rigid, too unbothered, while Sharvari playing opposite him carries more emotional weight in every scene they are together. She seems older, he seems elsewhere. That pairing and the wooden-acting of Vedang Raina is a minor complaint in an otherwise well-mounted film. Watch it. Then some of you may end up calling your parents or grandparents.

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Deborah Liu's Take Back Your Power or A Philosophy of Life for Women to Live with Less Editing

In the last year or so I have become a sort of an YouTube connoisseur, should be clearly evident from my posts here. This has led me to wonder whether I should keep my only streaming service subscription, Netflix as I rarely find time to indulge in its myriad shows anymore. My only current gripe about YouTube is there are no channels about women's life/philosophy from a personal angle or general woman-related career woes channels. 

I have not had success in finding some generic woman-hosted channel where a generic woman talks about anything and everything. I have found a few good ones by women navigating life solo or after-sixties-advise, but even those are about a specific topic like solo 60 year old leading an RV life – that is a very specific niche if you ask me. I want an everyday person talking deep thoughts, giving away random information no one is asking for. Maybe I should start one.

This also brings me to the book I want to talk about today - Deborah Liu’s Take Back Your Power. It is a kind of book I have not seen many women write. There is Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In and Brene Brown’s books, but they are experts in their areas, not regular Janes. I want to read ordinary women talking about their life, struggles and careers and their woman-on-the-wire acts. Deborah Liu is closer to the terrafirma most of us regular women inhabit than Ms. Brown or Ms. Sandberg. Although Liu was not that much of a normie either – her last job was as the CEO of Ancestry.com. So she has clearly played at a higher level than most of us.

The reason I connected with her book is that she writes about the awkward middle part and her entire career has been in tech, just like me. She felt like a woman like me dealing with the strange human politics that come with being a woman trying to operate in spaces that were not necessarily built with women in mind. And having spent most of my career in technology, this part landed harder than I expected.

I have lived some version of almost every story she tells. I have been the woman in the room who knows the answer, a titled leader of the team and still has to calculate whether saying it will create a problem. I have been talked over. I have watched someone repeat an idea I just said five minutes ago and suddenly everyone becomes fascinated because a man said it.

Liu talks about Hillary Clinton being criticized in law school because some people felt her presence was taking a place away from a man who could potentially avoid being drafted. What struck me was not just the unfairness of that situation, it was the psychological message underneath it: a woman's ambition is not neutral. Her success changes the equation. She is not just trying to win, she is making someone else uncomfortable by existing there. After enough exposure to that kind of message, you learn to manage yourself. You soften your words. You add disclaimers. You make yourself easier to digest. And then one day you realize you have become incredibly skilled at editing yourself!

This is where Liu’s discussion of women being caught in a double bind really resonated with me. I have personally experienced the strange contradiction of being told to be more confident while also being subtly punished when I am confident. I have also been told to be more vulnerable by male leaders, and I understand what they are trying to say. They want everyone to see my human side. They want me to establish an emotional connection. But what my male bosses do not understand is, vulnerability does not always carry the same meaning depending on who is showing it. A man in a leadership position can admit uncertainty and people often interpret it as authenticity. A woman in a leadership position can do the same thing, and while people may show empathy in the moment, and I believe many genuinely do, there is often another calculation happening quietly in the background. Is she overwhelmed? Is she weak? Did she really know what she was doing? Maybe that sounds cynical, but when you have lived inside these environments long enough, you notice patterns. You start understanding why many women become careful. It is not because women naturally want to be guarded. Sometimes the armor is something we build because we learned that walking around without it has consequences.

One of the ideas Liu puts forward in the book with some statistics is, lesser percentage of women have sponsors, and there is a distinction between mentors and sponsors. I think many people, especially women, are given the advice: “Find a mentor.” And that is good advice. A mentor can teach you, guide you, help you avoid mistakes. But Liu says women do find good mentors, but successful men usually have sponsors not mentors. A sponsor is someone who puts their own credibility behind you. Someone who says your name when you are not in the room. Many people who succeed have had someone along the way who opened a door. The myth of the completely self-made person is one of our favorite stories because it makes success feel clean and simple. We are all standing on somebody else’s shoulders, whether we like admitting it or not.

The Arianna Huffington story about burnout also felt painfully familiar. We have built a culture where exhaustion is often treated as evidence of commitment. The person answering emails at midnight is dedicated. The person who never takes a break is ambitious. The person who sacrifices everything is serious. But sometimes people succeed despite those sacrifices, not because of them. There is a difference. 

I do have some complicated feelings about Liu’s book-title though, the phrase “take back your power” has the danger of making everything an individual responsibility. Yes, people need agency. Yes, we cannot spend our entire lives waiting for someone else to rescue us. At some point, you have to speak, act, take chances, and move forward. 

But sometimes the issue is not that someone lacks confidence. Sometimes the environment is actually difficult. A person can be resilient and still be exhausted. A person can be capable and still be fighting unnecessary battles. I have no interest in telling women, “Just be tougher and adapt.” That is how people end up spending 30 years becoming excellent at tolerating things they should have questioned. But I also believe in the power of individual choice. There is a moment where you stop waiting for permission.

So after reading Take Back Your Power, I do not think the lesson is simply “be more powerful.” That feels like a very corporate interpretation of a much deeper idea. The more interesting question is: what kind of power are we actually trying to build? The power to impress people? The power to win every argument? The power to finally prove ourselves to everyone who underestimated us? 

Or something quieter? The power to speak honestly. The power to create. The power to stop shrinking. The power to live a life that actually feels like yours. Maybe taking back your power is not about becoming someone bigger. Maybe it is about spending less energy pretending to be smaller.

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Youtube Channels for Grown-ups and GenX Women

For about two decades, I had held off on hitting any SUBSCRIBE button on YouTube. But finally I bit the bullet button last year and started subscribing, instead of bookmarking oft-frequented channels in my head.

Below are some of my favorite non-celebrity personal /single-person-production channels, befitting my age and sensibilities. I am trying to find more older women youtubers (GenX+) who rambles about life, philosophy or nothing in particular - can't find as many women rambling on these subjects as men. No wonder 99% of philosophers are men. I am not interested in musings on beauty, makeup, fashion, health, fitness or cooking. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to drop a comment.

Anthony Chene Production: Anthony is such a grounded person. It took years for him to even show his face on his channel. I have watched all the videos (not shorts) on his channel, as I have been frequenting it sans-subscription for more than a decade. The description of the channel is unassuming as Anthony Chene: "Documentaries and interviews about who we really are."

Deb's Road To Freedom: This is one of the 50+ old ladies channels I am interested in, but can't find many. She is a single lady, living in an RV (not Nomadland style, less grim.) 

Here is Deb's own description of her channel : "This channel is about choosing freedom - not someday, but now. After years of living a traditional life, collecting things, working nonstop, and feeling stuck, I made a decision to simplify. I sold my house, downsized my life, and discovered that having less actually gave me more: time, clarity, and meaningful experiences. Here, we talk about living intentionally, choosing experiences over stuff, navigating fear and anxiety, and creating freedom at any stage of life. This isn’t about perfection, minimalism rules, or escaping responsibility - it’s about designing a life that feels lighter, more aligned, and more honest."

Goobie and Doobie: Many people will remember the viral YouTube video of a young neurosurgeon in throes of an existential crisis, standing on a trail near a creek, swatting mosquitoes. That was Goobie, with his dog Doobie (aka Baby) and Goobie and Doobie is one of my comfort-food-channels. Goobie's calm voice , freewheeling about life, universe and emotions, with almost no real-editing is often a calming balm to my chaotic days. 

Here's Goobie's description of their channel: "I'm Goobie, and my dog is Doobie.  We share our adventures listening to, seeing, and walking through the Universe.  Goobie shares stories, poems, and songs about the curiosities of living as a human being on a 4.5-billion-year-old planet." If I can find an older woman Youtuber who talks like Goobie, but from a woman's perspective that will be a great find.

Life After 60, With Resting Witch Face: One of the grown-up channels I like on Youtube, by a Youtuber named Dawn, who is 64 years old and trying to navigate her life chronicling some of those events and thoughts in her channel. Here is Dawn's description of her channel: "My name is Dawn and I am 64 yr's  OLD and that's Okay. Old is not a bad word, it just means I've lived a long time , not broken down, worn out or decrepit. My channel is about celebrating the "youth" of my senior  years! I like to say I am aging "grate-fully"! Join me as I try to navigate through these crazy times, trying to keep up with the world around me and refusing to grow old gracefully 😁I follow a simple philosophy and that is , Just Be Kind!"

Life With Sandra Hart: At 88, Sandra must be one of the oldest Youtubers. The wisdom and the humility of intelligent older people with decades of life experience is an unattainable feature for the know-it-all, confidence-masked-as-competency younger folks. Here is Sandra's description of her channel: "I’m Sandra Hart, and welcome to my channel! I am 87, and I share intimate chats about life. I’m here to dispel the fear of aging and to help us all navigate life, no matter how old or young you are. This is our time to shine, and it is a remarkable adventure we are all on."

Asian Dad Energy: This is a recently laid-off, ex-big tech Asian Dad figuring out his life and posting those thoughts on YouTube. Here is his description of his channel: "Hello World!  This is a journal of my life as an Ivy-League educated, ex Big Tech, middle aged Asian Dad figuring out life   It is a cocktail of anxiety, existential dread, and techy know-how.  I'm doing this journal as a form of therapy!"

The Doctor Investor: A middle aged health professional, a woman, talking about investment and smart decisions. Although I have no investments, I like to listen to smart women, talking. Here is a part of her description about her channel: "This channel is different. I’m here to help you understand enough to think clearly, ask better questions, and make confident financial decisions—without needing to become an expert."

Dad, how do I?: YouTube's own Dad for young people and people like me who just want someone to explain like I am a teen, how to do something. Here is the description of the channel: "How To" videos by a Dad who has raised 2 adults (and we still talk) -  How to Tie a Tie | How to Shave | How to Change a Tire | How to Cook | How to Manage Money"

The Functional Melancholic: I like the subjects he tackles, even though his videos/talks are harsh reminders of the reality we live in. But I still enjoy watching this channel for the raw truth it delivers. It is somewhat reassuring that there are people like The Functional Melancholic thinking, alerting and talking about the truth, out loud, in the open, on YouTube, for anyone who cares to hear.

Here is the description of the channel: "Think deeper. Question everything. My honest thoughts on the human condition, philosophy, psychology, socioeconomic and social issues, dark humor, relationships, personal growth, self improvement, human nature, literature, critical thinking, spirituality, meaning, intellectual discourse, consciousness, history of ideas, cultural commentary. "

There are all these channels and 👇here below is my channel 🤣😂🤣🤣 No idea who this one unfortunate subscriber is, who must have signed up 20 years ago when I posted my first few videos and never posted again. Probably an old account someone forgot (password) about.

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Say it With Love, soup Dude chronicles suck

After a long hiatus from Tamil movie watching, I recently watched a few Tamil movies. A couple of them I even tried to watch back to back the same day - With Love , followed by Dude. One of them left me scratching my head wondering what Tamilians see in perpetually melancholic/sacrificial-lamb type of male leads, while the other reminded me even though all the love stories have already been told, we can still find a unique untold angle that makes a story engrossing.

With Love (2026)

Let's start with the disappointment that is Dude. Here's my gripe: why is Pradeep Ranganathan being packaged as yet another soup boy in the Dhanush mold? I don't understand Tamil cinema's obsession with heroes who look like they've been personally victimized by the universe since birth. What's worse is watching Mamitha Baiju's spunky, electric screen presence get absolutely wasted in service of this melancholic male fantasy. The woman has talent that crackles off the screen, but instead of letting her shine, she's relegated to propping up our brooding protagonist. It's like buying a Ferrari and using it only to go grocery shopping, technically functional, but criminally underutilized.

Now, With Love is a different beast altogether, and I mean that as the highest compliment. This is new-age filmmaking done right. Anaswara Rajan is basically playing herself here, and yet there's an authenticity to her performance that feels refreshing in an industry often drowning in artifice. My only complaint? Abhishan Jeevinth, in his 'lead'-acting debut lets his older version hide behind that beard. Come on, man, you have a jawline. Flaunt it! Youth is fleeting, beards are optional. Director Madhan, kudos for a simple yet entertaining debut movie.

What makes With Love work is that it doesn't pander or apologize. It's unapologetically a GenZ movie – the pacing, the emotional beats, the relationship dynamics all feel contemporary without trying too hard to be cool. There's a easy-going naturalness to it that Dude desperately lacks. While Dude is busy manufacturing angst and positioning its hero as some tortured, self-effacing type, With Love just lets its characters breathe and let them exist in their messy, relatable reality.

The contrast between these two films is stark. One treats its female lead like an accessory to male suffering, while the other gives its actress room to be a fully realized person. One feels calculated to hit tried-n-tested emotional notes and fails (IMHO,) while the other trusts its young audience to appreciate something genuine. I tried to give Dude the benefit of doubt and tried even watching it by fast forwarding, but I could not even get past the half way mark.

If you're picking between the two, skip the soup boy dude chronicles and go straight for With Love. Your time is precious, and Mamitha Baiju's wasted potential in Dude will only make you sad about what could have been.

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Rob Reiner's Flipped (2010)

I have a soft spot for Rob Reiner movies. The moment I see that Castle Rock Entertainment logo, I settle in for two hours of human connection stories steeped in history and nostalgia.

Flipped is Reiner doing what he does best – taking us back to a version of America that feels like sunshine filtering through trees, where the worst thing that could happen is the girl next door not liking you back. Set in the early 60s, this coming of age romance follows Juli Baker and Bryce Loski through their middle school years as they navigate the messy business of first love, told from both their perspectives.

The dual narrative is the movie's secret weapon. We flip between Juli's and Bryce's viewpoints of the same events, and suddenly what seemed like typical teen awkwardness becomes this tender examination of how two people can live the same moments completely differently. Madeline Carroll and Callan McAuliffe play the leads with the kind of earnestness that could have been cringe but instead hits you right in the chest. What gets me about Reiner's period pieces, whether it's Stand By Me or this, is how he captures that specific ache of looking back. The sycamore tree Juli loves, her chickens, the carefully manicured lawns of suburban America – it's all shot with this warm nostagia. The production design nails that early 60s aesthetic without being showy about it. The supporting cast is stacked too – Aidan Quinn and Penelope Ann Miller as Juli's parents, Anthony Edwards as Bryce's dad. There's a dinner scene that escalates from uncomfortable to devastating that shows Reiner hasn't lost his touch for quiet, powerful moments.

Flipped won't punch you in the gut like some coming-of-age dramas. Instead, it reminds you that first love, family dysfunction, and learning to see people for who they really are - these things are awkward and messy and occasionally involve chickens and eggs.

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Bernie (2011) comes to Carthage

Small town Texas, a true crime story told like a languid Sunday afternoon conversation over sweet tea. Richard Linklater's Bernie has Jack Black slowly rolling into the town and finding a job as the assistant mortician at a funeral home in Carthage, TX.

The movie is the real-life story of Bernie Tiede, the beloved assistant funeral director of Carthage and his unlikely friendship with the town's most despised wealthy widow, Marjorie Nugent. Linklater treats this bizarre true story with his signature unhurried grace - life unfolds naturally, meandering like those East Texas back roads, revealing character through accumulation rather than exposition.

Jack Black disappears into Bernie with such completeness that you forget you're watching Jack Black. He embodies this paradox of a man - devoutly Christian, genuinely kind and impossibly generous. Then he has an unexpected glitch in his personality which makes this story a story. Shirley MacLaine captures Marjorie's brittle cruelty with precision, showing us exactly why an entire town could hate one lonely old woman. The genius move here is Linklater's use of actual Carthage residents as a Greek chorus, commenting on the events with the kind of unvarnished Texas frankness that no screenwriter could manufacture. These aren't actors playing small-town Texans, these *are* small-town Texans, and their authenticity grounds this strange tale in something achingly real. I thought there was a Somerset Maugham quality to it all, if Maugham had traded colonial Asia for the American South. That same keen eye for human contradiction, the understanding that people contain multitudes and morality exists in shades we'd rather not acknowledge. Bernie loved that town. The town loved Bernie. And then a thing happened...

What stays with you isn't the action itself but the uncomfortable questions about justice, loyalty, and whether goodness can be measured by a single terrible moment or by decades of genuine kindness. Linklater never judges, he simply observes, and trusts us to sit with the complexity.

Like the entire populace of Carthage, I too loved Bernie, didn't at all like the character Matthew McConaughey portrayed in this movie - Danny Buck as was intended by the director. Anyway who can hate Jack Black, right?

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Dhurandhar - The Long Game

There has not been a decent spy thriller made this well in Bollywood since forever. Dhurandhar, Aditya Dhar's ambitious action-espionage epic that dropped on Netflix last week, is what happens when a director decides to challenge the mediocrity that has plagued mainstream Bollywood cinema for years.

I, a detached viewer, on other side of the globe, tenuously tied to India by my Indian roots, didn't get the impression that it was your typical flag-waving, chest-thumping Bollywood fare. This is methodical, deliberate filmmaking that treats its audience like adults capable of sitting through a three-and-a-half-hour narrative without needing an item number or comic relief sidekick.

The film tells the story of Hamza, played by Ranveer Singh, a composite character based on real Indian intelligence operatives who spent lifetimes embedded in Pakistan's hostile territories. These are the invisible soldiers and spies who played the long game after devastating terrorist events on India like the Kandahar hijacking, the Indian Parliament attack and 26/11 Mumbai attacks. The movie follows India's intelligence apparatus methodically infiltrating and dismantling terror networks. If The Godfather had been a spy thriller, it might have looked something like this.

Ranveer Singh is excellent. This guy gives you a thousand dollars' worth of performance for every dollar you pay him. He's one of those rare actors in this era of fleeting stardom who consistently shows up and delivers, film after film. But the internet has lost its collective mind over Akshaye Khanna's Rehman Dacait, his style, his delivery, his entire presence has become the talk of social media. Sure, Khanna is magnetic, but this is still Ranveer's movie. I do agree there are some political undertones. R. Madhavan's character basically exists to deliver one-liners glorifying the current Indian administration. But here's the thing, I haven't been dialed into Indian politics for more than a quarter century, so I watched this like any other geopolitical thriller. The film portrays India positively but doesn't dehumanize Pakistanis. It shows Pakistan as a complex political landscape where gun-trafficking and terror training are unfortunate realities of their geopolitical business. What impressed me most is that Dhar made this as a mainstream commercial film, not as some niche arthouse project. He had the guts to demand more from audiences, to trust that they'd appreciate sophisticated storytelling over formulaic "for the masses" entertainment. The film's box-office returns, multiple-viewings of the movie by many cinephiles and the excitement and life it has brought back to Bollywood, tell us that Aditya Dhar's gamble has paid off. The climax action sequence alone, from the slow-burn tension building in a car to the relentless pursuit and brutal hand-to-hand combat is some of the finest action choreography Bollywood has produced.  

At 215 minutes, I wanted more when it ended. Part two arrives in March 2026. I'll be watching. 

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